By Jan Ligon, PhD, LCSW

Family members of people with a substance use problem can be negatively affected emotionally, physically, and economically. Many family members live in a state of constant fear and uncertainty about what to do.

There are ways to address substance use problems in the family. But it’s impossible to predict whether a person with a substance use problem will seek help, stay in recovery, or relapse, because every individual is unique.

1: Detach Yourself from the Problem

This doesn’t mean walking away from our loved one. Detaching yourself from the problem means that you understand that the person misusing alcohol or other drugs has the problem, not you. It is very important to understand this.

2: Set Limits, Roles and Boundaries

Sometimes family members do things to help that actually further enable the abuse. Examples of this include calling in sick for them, bailing them out of jail, etc. This can actually make things worse by enabling the person with the problem to avoid facing consequences for their behavior.

Stop doing things that make it easier for your loved one to continue abusing substances.

3: Be Consistent

As the substance abuser begins to sense that family members are serious about limits and boundaries, he or she may become angry or hostile. Their feelings are not your feelings. Don’t change your boundaries.

By deciding on a position and sticking to it, family members help the addicted person begin to learn that there is a new way that things are going to be handled. This is good for everybody.

4: Support Sobriety

There are many ways to support sobriety – to clearly let the person know that you are there for them in the recovery process. Compliments about positive change, bringing them to or picking them up from Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous meetings, etc., and other support groups, participating in family therapy, and asking the person about their progress, are all examples of ways to support sobriety.

5: One Day at a Time

Those working towards recovery must set small goals. The same is true for families. Family members can become overwhelmed so it is helpful to set one small, specific short-term goal.

For example, instead of setting a goal to attend Al-Anon meetings “regularly,” set a goal to attend one meeting on a specific day this week. Likewise, instead of a goal to “take better care of yourself,” plan to go to a park after work today and spend some time walking or sitting quietly.

6: Sustain Your Physical, Mental, and Spiritual Health

Your physical, mental, and spiritual health may all be negatively affected by the turmoil created by substance abuse in the family.

Eating properly, getting exercise, taking breaks, and addressing your spiritual needs are all examples of things that family members should do to take care of themselves.

If there are safety concerns related to domestic violence or child abuse, know that you may have to leave the situation immediately or contact law enforcement for assistance to help remove others, such as children, from the unsafe situation.

Conclusion

When family members are involved and supportive of people with substance use problems who are seeking treatment, the likelihood of success is improved. Not only can family members work towards making things better for themselves, but they can increase the chances of the person achieving recovery.

When a person with a history of addiction history enters treatment, their mood, eating patterns, appearance, or friends often change. They may also reduce or stop going to 12-Step meetings or counseling sessions. These can be the initial signs of relapse. As noted above, you are not responsible for you loved one’s relapse. But you can support their sobriety by providing feedback to them about the changes we see.

Having a loved one who is misusing substances can cause family members to feel angry and fearful. The best antidote is to directly address what is going on, staying alert and keeping firm boundaries.

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Jan H. Ligon, Ph.D., LCSW, is an associate professor of social work at Georgia State University and a licensed clinical social worker. He is a past president of the Georgia Chapter of the National Association of Social Workers (NASW).