By Bette J. Freedson, LCSW, LICSW
- “I’m going stir crazy just home alone all day talking to a two year old!”
- “All I do is schedule the kids and then drive them around from one activity to another.”
- “Between work and my kids I have no energy left for myself.”
- “My husband doesn’t come home until after the kids are asleep, and he’s too tired to talk.”
These are a just of few of the laments that moms bring into my psychotherapy office every week. Whether married, partnered or single, moms all too often feel alone and isolated.
Mothers have such busy lives that they have little time to enjoy or establish the social relationships that could recharge their energy or keep their morale from slipping into depression.
Friendships can reduce the negative effects of stress and contribute to health. Because motherhood, despite its many joys, can be so stressful, it’s vital that women maintain friendships after having children.
The friends might be single, married, with kids or not: it doesn’t matter. The critical element is connection that feels genuine, caring and supportive. Women thrive in these friendship connections.
Maintaining these relationships can be challenging, especially if a mom is new to a community. She might have lost her established ties and have a difficult time finding people with whom she is compatible. Yet establishing and keeping friendships is not impossible. Try a few of the following ideas.
Seven Friendship Tips for Moms
- Take some time off.
Develop your support network and find baby sitters you can trust (if your budget allows.) If family is close by, ask for a little help so you can spend some time with friends. - Free up time and energy for friendships.
It is important to trust how vital these connections are to your sense of well-being. If you believe that your stress will be reduced, your batteries will be recharged, and your morale will be higher, you will be more apt to make room in your life for friends. - Form or join playgroups.
While the little ones play, the moms can talk. Some working moms might form weekend playgroups. If you live in a familiar community you might know people from pre-mom days who might want to get together. If you are new to the community you can begin by getting to know other women in your neighborhood. Take a stroll with the carriage or with the kids. Don’t be afraid to ask. You might find that you are offering some other woman just what she needs. - Check local churches, community centers or counseling agencies to find groups for moms or groups for women. Some communities have family resource centers that offer a wide variety of programs for mothers, and activities for kids, separately or together. It is likely you can find the locations of these resources on line.
- Form or join interest groups such as garden clubs or book clubs. Joining a faith community can be a way to begin to form friendships with like-minded others who are moms or non-moms. You might choose to continue some of these contacts outside the group.
- Connect virtually.
There are several good sites for moms to make contact with other moms. Enjoying friendship online is a modern way to stay in touch. It does not fully replace in-person friendships. Find moms in your local area who share similar interests. You can meet for coffee with or without kids, go for walks and enjoy activities without kids. - Pick up the phone.
Remember phone calls? They’re still a great way to share and offer support, have a good laugh, give some advice, and keep your friendships alive.
Friendships are essential for your health and happiness. Try some of these ideas to help you become a happier person and a calmer mom.
