By Glenna P. Wilson, MSW, LSW
 

	Introduction
	Others work better getting it done the right way.

Introduction

Traditionally, homework time as been a time when parents and children become adversaries. Parents cajole and coax children into doing homework while children resist and complain. There are, however, some tricks that parents can use to help make the homework experience more tolerable and productive. Following these suggestions may not make homework fun all the time, but it may lessen the sting of this necessary part of the educational experience.

• Be the parent, not the teacher. Support, encourage, and assist if needed, but keep job descriptions clear. Parents can reinforce the learning process by helping with homework when needed.
• Make homework an event and fun when possible. Give rewards (M&Ms, pretzels, pennies, etc.) for work well done. Take short breaks between subjects or sets of problems. Do something physical, such as calisthenics or a run around the house, pet the dog, and then back to work. Breaks should be short, so as not to get distracted by other things.
• Give lots of positive reinforcement. Play down negative behaviors. Use non-emotional, matter-of-fact responses to failure. Don’t tell the child what to do, but rather lead them to their own solutions. Good, probing questions might be:

1. What makes math easier for you?
2. Can you think of what helps you when math goes ok?
3. What would you say that you do differently when that happens?
4. What do you have to do to make that happen more often?

• Set a pattern of doing homework in the same place and at about the same time each day. This should be in a well-lit, comfortable place with as few distractions as possible. No TV or loud music. Parents can play soft background music if they wish.
• Build rituals and routines into the homework schedule — drinks, snacks, regular times, same place, rewards, etc. Children gain security from consistent and predictable patterns. It teaches them self-discipline and gives them comfortable, yet flexible structures.
• Negotiate the homework schedule. Let the child have some input into the schedule, but keep it consistent as much as possible.
• Each child and each family has different needs. Some children need to unwind after school, so for them, playtime should come first. Homework can be after dinner or at least after some relaxation time.

Others work better getting it done right away.

Teach the child that being a student is a job just like the parent is an accountant, secretary, homemaker, salesperson, etc. Once the work is done they can have fun.

• Use a sign-off plan for completed homework. Children must show parents their finished assignments and parents either sign the work or a notebook that both keep. This can sometimes be a cooperative venture with the child’s teacher if homework has been a special problem for this child. This holds the child accountable for their work.
• If parents and the child fight often, get a tutor or a homework helper before homework becomes World War III. Recognize when parents may be as much a part of the problem as the child and change the relationship.
• Listen to the children—don’t preach!  If they come home in a miserable mood saying they hate the teacher, this is not the time to talk them out of it. Listen to what went wrong today, reflect their feelings, and empathize with them. Parents can put themselves in the child’s place.…Remember bad days at school or work and being told not to feel that way? Home should be a place where the child can safely express their feelings without repercussions. Allow them to get the feelings out before they have to return to school.
• Parents do not have to agree with teachers all the time. Some teachers do make mistakes and some teachers are unfair. However, this is a life lesson. Help children realize that even when the teacher is in the wrong, they are in authority. In life we all must deal with people who have authority over us. We don’t have to like it, but we have to cope with it. Remember, however, that teachers need the support of parents to effectively educate.
• Do not punish a second time for the same crime.  If a child gets in trouble at school, there are consequences. Support those consequences and do not interfere by adding more punishment at home. This will encourage the child to be honest with parents about what happens at school and not fearful that it will be worse at home. However, if the behavior becomes too repetitive or disruptive, then additional home consequences may be indicated to reinforce. Use this only under extreme circumstances and confer with the teacher and/or administrators.
• Communicate and cooperate with the teacher and other school staff, but don’t assume responsibilities that belong to the child. Help them handle situations on their own as much as possible.
• How well the child does in school is not an evaluation of parenting skills. What matters is how open, loving, and affirming parents are with children while teaching them how to live life effectively. Many times, students who struggle through school grow up to be talented, charming, and successful adults…even Nobel Prize winners or presidents. Avoid letting a difficult school experience diminish anyone’s self-esteem.