By Sherry Katz, MSW, LCSW

How can I explain what I want without hurting my partner?

Rely on your natural empathy to state your needs in a considerate way.

Men are taught to not talk about their feelings, to keep it to themselves. But there is a great potential for enhancing, not hurting your relationship, by allowing your partner to hear what truly is important to you. Give yourself the chance to find out!

How do I figure out what she wants?

Ask her. A direct question and a listening ear is always the best way to find out what you want to know.

I love my partner and want to have sex with her every night; why isn’t she interested?

Generally speaking, women’s sexual attraction is often closely tied to emotional connection. The more you can increase your emotional connection to each other, the more likely she is to want to be sexual with you. You can increase your emotional connection through engaged listening, dialogue, and shared activities.

Find out her love language, and act accordingly. For example, if her love language is Acts of Service, she’ll be thrilled when you fix things and run routine errands for the household. If her love language is Words of Affirmation, be sure to tell her something you love about her every single day!

By changing your behavior, you’ll likely see different results.

Sherry Katz, LCSW has practiced social work for 27 years, and currently practices family therapy in Ridgewood, NJ. She has both a broad range of social work, clinical, and consulting experience in various older adult settings, as well as advanced clinical training in couples and family therapy.