By Fred Sacklow, MSW, LCSW

There are many reasons why someone might seek anger management therapy:

• Committing violent acts.
• Verbal abuse and short temper causing problems in a marriage.
• Problems dealing with one’s in-laws.
• Court mandated anger management therapy resulting from neglect or abuse of one’s children.

The Goal of Anger Management Therapy

The goal of anger management is not to eliminate the anger, but to use it as a signal that there is a problem or issue that needs to be addressed. People in group anger management are taught how to slow down their arousal when angered, so that it can be processed and acted on in a socially acceptable way to avoid  negative consequences.

There are many triggers that can set off anger episodes. Often anger is secondary to other emotions like hurt, loss and disrespect. It is important to figure out what these underlying feelings are.

When anger is intense, our ability to think is hampered. We often react immediately and worry about the consequences later. This can be dangerous and can make us feel ashamed and guilty later. Many times memories from our childhood can be triggered. Reacting in anger just keeps us stuck in the past and decreases our ability to mature. Knowing what triggers anger can be useful so that we can attempt to avoid those triggers, or learn better coping skills to deal with them.

Assertive Action Versus Aggressive Action

An important aspect of anger management is to replace aggressive action with assertive action. Many people in the group are very confused about what effective assertiveness is like. Many have made anger a habit and cannot understand that conflict can be dealt with in a win-win scenario that is the hallmark of being properly assertive.

The group is taught how to discuss things verbally with others, and to use “I” messages in order to express to others in a non-offensive way what is bothering them.

Group Therapy Strategies

Members of therapy groups are often asked to complete homework assignments. There are readings that they have to do as well. Early on they are asked to complete an anger management plan for themselves so they can pinpoint what they need to work on. Plans are then revisited at the end of the group. The group members are also asked to complete an anger log of weekly events in order to increase their awareness of anger, and focus on their feelings, actions and thoughts.

There is a strong emphasis in the group on understanding the relationship between thoughts and anger. Often what we tell ourselves is what we believe to be the case. When it comes to anger we usually apply very illogical or unreasonable thinking, and often very unhelpful thoughts about the situations in which we find ourselves. We often have unreasonable expectations that may trigger our anger, and sometimes make what should only be our preferences into “shoulds” and “musts”. The group is taught ways to challenge their angry thinking, and replace negative talk with positive and reasonable messages that are geared towards problem solving.

The Negative Effects of Anger

Anger can be very damaging to the body. Long episodes of stress from uncontrolled anger can have very negative effects. The group members are taught skills for relaxation as well as ways to express anger safely.

Anger that is not acted upon but rather accumulated can contribute to a passive-aggressive expression of anger, or even to depression. Parts of the lessons of the group are to find ways to improve self-esteem, and to endure what is often a very stressful and hectic life. The group discusses ways to learn greater tolerance, improve empathy, and to forgive when necessary in order to let go and move on.

Other important topics for the group include domestic violence, child abuse and road rage.

A key element to the group is the mutual support that each member provides to the other. Members often make very useful suggestions to others about what has worked for them and how others should appraise or deal with a difficult situation.

Each group is unique in many ways but I always find the experience rewarding. Many times the changes are dramatic and can be very beneficial. If families can come back together and marriages can prosper and if others can be kept out of jail than it has all been worthwhile.