By Bette J. Freedson, LCSW, LICSW

Many single mothers are raising their families on one income. Often that income is small to medium, and often child support is iffy at best. But single moms can live well, manage stress, and instill in their children a sense of self worth and stability.

Following are some tips on how to save money and build self-confidence in the family’s ability to cope on one income.

Things to Remember

• Attitude matters. How you think about the facts of your life will affect how much stress you experience
• What you say (and how you say it) will affect the way your kids view you, themselves and their family.
• Budgeting is a skill that builds stability and self-confidence. A good budget enables you to know that you’re spend only what you have and are saving for what you need.
• Find free activities in your area.
• Determine if there isfree or sliding scale therapy in your area.
• Demonstrate to your children that you believe in them and in your family.

Tips for Managing Money Stress

Build a budget that’s a firm but flexible.

Organize and stick to your budget. View it as a tool to build structure, not as a punishment. As children get older, show them how you create the family budget.

Living within your budget helps to create the stability and predictability that children need, increases your confidence, and reduces your stress.

Believe in your ability to manage within your budget.

Trust in your ability to manage even when you don’t have what you wish you had. Believe this and tell this to your kids:

“I love you and I will do my best to see to it that you have what you need, even if sometimes our budget may not allow you to get everything you want.”

Find activities in that fit your budget.

Participate in programs and projects that your child’s school offers; use free or low cost recreational activities; attend free concerts and library programs.

Enjoy parks, beaches, hikes, and other outdoor activities. Show interest in the ways your children play. Your love and caring does not require buying or spending; your attention will build self-esteem in the kids

Explore ways to cook nutritious low-cost meals.

Look online for recipes for low budget and nutritious meals. Find cookbooks at the library or call the home economics teacher in your local high school and go for a consult. Swap recipes for cheap and healthy meals with other parents.

If you’re really strapped for money, apply for food stamps, clip coupons, and locate food banks through churches, community centers or other community agencies.

Stretch your food.

For example, a cooked chicken can provide several meals. You can make casseroles, soup, or salads that offer balanced nutrition and taste. Save the bones and vegetable scraps and make a healthy soup stock.

Store leftovers in the freezer and use them for quick and healthy mid-week meals.

Shop wisely.

Shop in second-hand stores and consignment shops. Shop during sales, but only get what you need! Share a warehouse club membership card and split bulk items with another single parent. These resources can help you to make your money go further.

Stay positive.

While you may have negative feelings toward the parent who does not provide needed support, expressing these feelings to the children can burden them with fear and resentment (of you). Work through any resentment with your friends or your therapist — never with your kids!

Stay as positive as you can about your life. Worry less about what you don’t have, and focus on what you do have.

Count your blessings and believe this message and tell it to your kids: “What you have in your wallet does not equal your worth as a person.”

Make friends with other single moms.

Join support groups or create friendship circles where you and other single mom can share tips and resources, as well as express feelings that are best not discussed with the kids.

You can share meals and play dates. Take turns watching each other’s children to get some down time. You can swap clothes and toys as the kids grow. Having friends who share your experiences can help you feel less alone.

Teach your kids that they are inherently worthy.

Believe this message and tell it to your kids in age appropriate words:

“We are doing our best with what we have. Most people have to pay attention to what they spend. It is not what you wear on the outside, but what you are inside, that is most important. There are people who will be able to see beyond the surface into the deeper worth and meaning of you as an individual. These are the people you may want as your friends.”

Following these guidelines and tips, while believing that are inherently worthy, regardless of what’s in your wallet, can increase self-esteem for yourself and your kids.